Solitude: Sometimes You Have to Go Inside
True Story — 8.18.26
(Higher Self in bold)
I'm scrolling through the TV guide...
Forensic Files. 🤔
"Okay...let's solve the case."
Scroll some more...
Unsolved Mysteries.
👀 Ohhhh yeah.
After finishing both shows—and obviously solving the cases in my mind 🙂😂—I noticed something.
I couldn't stop thinking about the stories.
Remember why you stopped watching shows like this? You absorb the trauma like it's yours.
🤔🤔🤔
She had a point.
I started thinking about the past few days and realized I'd been entertaining a LOT of negativity, especially on social media.
🚫 PAUSE. 🚫
Why am I doing this?
What's really going on?
You already know. You've been here before.
Do I dare say it?
Depression. 🥺
My first reaction was denial.
"Wait...when I was depressed back in the day, I drank and cried. I'm not doing either of those things."
True. But look at what you ARE doing. You're entertaining low-vibrational things and starting to become comfortable there.
😔
Ouch.
But she was right.
I was sleeping nine or ten hours.
I was waking between 2:00 and 4:00 in the morning feeling like I needed to go outside.
I wasn't feeling like myself.
And deep down...
I knew it.
Time to Go Inside
That's when I decided that beginning 8.22.26, I was going into solitude.
I call it:
Going Inside.
For me, that meant pulling back from everything so I could figure out what was happening within myself.
No social media.
No hanging out.
No unnecessary phone calls.
No constant communication.
Just...
Me.
Six years ago, that idea would've terrified me.
I've stayed in relationships longer than I should have simply because I was afraid of my own company.
Now?
I knew solitude was exactly what I needed.
I sent an email to Niel and Goddess Alicia letting them know I needed some time to get myself together.
Then, when my husband left for work, I sat.
No music.
No television.
Just me...
And the AC. 😂
Eventually, my Higher Self asked:
What's wrong?
🥺
"I'm not where I want to be in life."
"I want more."
"I feel stagnant."
There it was.
The truth.
Patience, Aisha
My Higher Self answered:
Patience, Aisha.
Not everything happens according to your timeline. Take this opportunity to practice gratitude for what you DO have.
You're learning patience.
You're learning how to love unconditionally.
And whether you realize it or not, your writing has helped people.
Keep going.
Things will work themselves out.
My response?
"But..."
😂
No buts.
Patience, Aisha.
And if I'm keeping it 💯, I didn't like how I'd been feeling.
I also knew something was wrong when I started gravitating toward those shows and negative content again.
Of course, Ego had an explanation:
"Nahhh, you're good. You're just switching things up. Besides...when was the last time you solved a case?"
😂😂😂
Nice try, Ego.
What Solitude Gave Me
Every Day, I got up and intentionally spent time alone.
I practiced breath work.
I started working out again.
I sat with my thoughts instead of trying to drown them out with noise.
And slowly, things started making sense.
Solitude gave me the space to examine my recent actions and, more importantly, understand why I was doing them.
That's why I call it Going Inside.
Because sometimes the answers we're desperately searching for everywhere else aren't out there.
They're already inside us.
Today is 8.27.26.
Originally, I said I wasn't coming back until September 1st.
But here I am...
Writing. 💚
Once I acknowledged what I was feeling, broke it down, and started working through it, I realized I didn't need to disappear until some arbitrary date.
I felt compelled to write.
So I listened.
I'm not going to intentionally keep myself away from something that helps me feel like myself simply because I picked a date on a calendar.
Solitude Isn't Isolation
There's an important difference.
For me, solitude was intentional.
I wasn't trying to hide from life.
I was creating enough quiet to hear myself again.
Sometimes we need that.
But if you're experiencing persistent sadness, major changes in sleep, hopelessness, or other symptoms that aren't improving, solitude doesn't have to mean handling everything alone. Reaching out to someone you trust or a mental-health professional can be part of taking care of yourself too.
Going inside doesn't mean shutting everyone out forever.
It means giving yourself enough space to understand what's happening inside you.
And that brings me to something else I've been thinking about...
Self-awareness.
Sometimes our own thinking can become our biggest obstacle.
And when we're not self-aware, it's incredibly easy to blame everyone and everything around us instead of asking:
"Wait...what part am I playing in this?"
So here's my question for you:
Are YOU self-aware?
Can you call yourself out?
Please reflect on your own behavior and keep it 100% with yourself.
Not just mindful...
Self-aware.
🤔
Actually...
That sounds like a pretty good topic for my next blog—or maybe the next podcast.
Until next time, my beautiful souls. 😌
Peace, Love & Light. 💚🧘🏾♀️