Niel Flamm 8/21/26 Niel Flamm 8/21/26

Apologizing to Your Younger Self: Healing the Parts of You That You Left Behind

True Story

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: This blog discusses sexual assault and physical abuse. Please read with care. 💚

(Scrolling through Instagram...)

I came across a reel that asked:

"Have you ever apologized to your younger self?"

The woman talked about how, at some point in our lives, many of us abandoned a younger version of ourselves. Something happened, we put on our "big girl" or "big boy" pants, and we just kept moving.

🤔🤔🤔

I didn't even finish the reel.

My immediate response was:

"Hmmm...I've never abandoned myself."

🙄

My Higher Self had something to say about that.

Let's think about this.

My mind started traveling backward.

Germany.

Being a young girl.

My first crush.

The first time I experienced rejection.

🤔

"See? I'm good!"

Then came the thought I didn't want:

This may hurt, but if we're going to move forward, we have to revisit Shooks Run Park.

🥺

Deep breath.

The Moment Something Changed

I was 15.

My best friend was 14.

One evening, something happened to us that should never happen to anyone.

We were sexually assaulted.

I'm not going into the details because the details aren't what's important here.

What's important is what happened inside me afterward.

My life changed.

Looking back now, I realize that's when I told myself:

"Not again."

I built a wall.

And I kept going.

I didn't realize it at the time, but part of that 15-year-old girl stayed behind that wall.

Then my Higher Self pushed a little further.

If we're doing this, let's get it all out.

🥺

I thought about another chapter of my life—a physically abusive relationship.

And then came a realization that hurt:

Aisha, you were already wounded. You learned how to survive, but surviving isn't the same thing as healing.

Damn.

😡🥺

That's when the anger came.

But eventually another message followed:

It's time to forgive yourself.

Look at Her

Go to the mirror.

👀

I walked into the restroom and looked at myself.

And immediately...

Niagara Falls.

😭😭😭

It's okay. Look into your eyes. Apologize to her. Forgive her.

I could barely see myself through the tears.

Then I wrapped my arms around myself.

And I whispered:

"I'm sorry I left you."

"I forgive you."

🫂

Deep breath.

I looked back into that mirror.

Nothing magical happened.

The past didn't disappear.

But something felt different.

For once, I wasn't pretending everything was okay while hurting underneath.

I acknowledged her.

That young girl.

The scared girl.

The angry girl.

The girl who decided she had to become tough because being vulnerable didn't feel safe anymore.

I finally told her:

I see you.

Maybe Your Story Is Different

Your story may be nothing like mine—and I truly hope it isn't.

But I think many of us can identify a moment when something happened and we essentially said:

"Forget it. I'm moving on."

And we did.

We went to school.

Built careers.

Raised children.

Started relationships.

Paid bills.

Went to our 9-to-5s.

Laughed.

Loved.

Lived.

But somewhere underneath all of that may still be a wounded version of ourselves that we never went back for.

Maybe that's the person you need to talk to.

Reconnect With YOU

What I did in front of that mirror might sound strange to some people.

That's okay.

It helped me.

This journey belongs to you.

If you need to hug yourself...

Do it.

If you need to look into the mirror and encourage yourself...

Do it.

If you need to journal...

Cry...

Meditate...

Pray...

Or talk with someone you trust...

Do it.

And if revisiting painful experiences becomes overwhelming, there's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking support from a qualified mental-health professional who can help you work through them safely.

Healing isn't about pretending the past didn't happen.

For me, it's about reconnecting with every version of myself:

The broken me.

The angry me.

The scared me.

The timid me.

The strong me.

And saying:

"I recognize where I left you. I'm sorry. I'm here now."

😌

That realization helped me begin releasing some weight I'd carried for far too long.

It helped me look differently at boundaries.

At relationships.

At myself.

Most importantly, it reminded me that being strong doesn't mean never crying or never hurting.

Sometimes strength means finally allowing yourself to feel what you've spent years trying not to feel.

So here's my question:

Have you ever apologized to your younger self?

Maybe today is the day to have that conversation.

Give that younger version of yourself some grace.

Give them a hug.

And remind them...

You didn't forget them. You're coming back for them. 💚

Until next time.

Peace, Love & Light. 💚🧘🏾‍♀️

Niel Flamm 8/9/26 Niel Flamm 8/9/26

Emotions: Feel Them, Process Them, Release Them

There's a line from the '90s H-Town song "Emotions" that takes me right back:

"The first time I felt emotions was when I came out of my mother's womb and cried." 😌

Ohhhh, the memories that song brings back!

But during the beginning of my Internet Fast, I found myself thinking about emotions in a completely different way.

I realized some things in my life needed to change.

Actually...

Not things.

Me. 🥺

In Meditation...

I started crying. 😭

My Higher Self asked:

"It's okay to cry. Why have you been holding back for so long?"

My answer?

"Because I have to be strong. I have to push through. Crying isn't going to solve anything."

Then came the response I needed:

"Godd3ss, crying is a form of release. Pain, joy, anger—whatever you're feeling, allow yourself to feel it. If you don't feel it, how can you begin to heal it?"

That stayed with me.

As the days passed, I found myself experiencing so many different emotions.

There was a time when my answer would've been simple:

Grab a glass.

Pour a drink.

Blast some music.

Cry until my eyelids were swollen. 🤦🏾‍♀️

Did that thought cross my mind?

Of course it did.

But then I asked myself:

And then what?

The emotions would still be there.

So instead of escaping them, I decided to sit with them.

Let's process these emotions and figure out what they're trying to tell me.

Pain 🥺

"Why are you hurting?"

If I was going to be completely honest with myself...

I already knew.

Or at least I had a pretty good idea. 🤔

Part of my pain came from realizing I had been right about something when I desperately didn't want to be.

That hurt.

So I cried.

I allowed myself to feel it.

Then I started releasing it.

Because carrying that pain wasn't changing what happened.

It was only changing me.

My sleep was off.

My eating was off.

My energy was off.

Something had to change.

Anger 🤬

Next question:

"Why are you angry?"

My immediate response?

THE AUDACITY!!! 😂

Then my Higher Self checked me:

"Is this really you...or is this pride?"

👀

Well...

There goes that ego and pride again.

Deep down, I had already seen some signs.

My intuition had been speaking.

I didn't want to listen.

And that's okay.

The lesson isn't to beat myself up because I missed—or ignored—the signs.

The lesson is to learn from them.

Sometimes those little feelings and questions inside us are telling us to slow down and pay attention.

So I reminded myself:

Patience, Goddess.

Give yourself grace.

But learn from this.

Fear 😳

Then came the hardest question:

"What are you afraid of?"

🥺

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do."

😭

"What do I do now?!"

And then...

"You already know what you're going to do. You've just lost some confidence."

That one hit me.

So I went back to something that's helped me before.

Affirmations.

Deep breath. 🧘🏾‍♀️

I am powerful.

I am abundant.

I am healthy.

I am prosperous.

I am protected and guided by The Most High.

SO IT IS. 😌

Deep breath.

Nothing magically changed overnight.

The situation was still the situation.

But I was beginning to change.

Feel It Without Living In It

I went deeper into meditation.

I cried.

I practiced my breath work.

And between the tears and breaths, I kept repeating:

"I release you."

That doesn't mean pretending something didn't happen.

It doesn't mean forgetting.

And it certainly doesn't mean every difficult emotion disappears because you meditated once.

For me, it means acknowledging what I'm feeling instead of running from it.

Our emotions can affect how we sleep, eat, communicate, work, and move through our everyday lives. Constantly suppressing them doesn't necessarily make them disappear.

Sometimes we need to permit ourselves to feel.

To cry.

To journal.

To breathe.

To pray.

To meditate.

To talk with someone we trust.

And sometimes, when things become too heavy to carry alone, reaching out for professional support can be another form of strength and self-care.

Life is going to throw curves at us like the letter B. 😂

We can't control all of them.

But we can work on how we respond.

If you're carrying emotional baggage that's been eating away at you, don't automatically bury it.

Sit with it.

Ask yourself why it's there.

Process what you can.

Learn what it's trying to teach you.

Then, when you're ready...

Release what you no longer need to carry.

And above all, give yourself grace while you're doing it.

You are not alone in this. 💚

If this message speaks to you, share it with someone you love and care about. They may be carrying emotions they haven't permitted themselves to release.

Until next time, my beautiful souls. 😌

Peace, Love & Light. 💚🧘🏾‍♀️